I Am The Worst

Sorry my friends, I know I have been MIA for the past week! I promise I’ll write soon! I love all of you guys and I hope that you have had a great Thanksgiving weekend and all that sweet shit!

Love ya!

T

 

Also, here is a picture of a baby elephant playing with birds. You’re welcome. 🙂

baby-elephant

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Oh Boy…

I don’t pretend to know everything about relationships, but I do have a lot of experience. Really, from my own relationships, dealing with my friends, etc. Apparently I give good advice. That sounds braggy. Anyway.

Recently, I got a text from my married girl friend. She thought her husband was cheating on her. This text also came at 2am so I was completely out of it. She began telling me why she thinks her husband was cheating.

The back story is that he previously was texting another woman (also his co-worker) and then hiding it from her. Some how or another, she found out he was texting her and she called him out…everything was squashed and things were good between them again. Back to reality.

Okay…so I get this text from her the other night, thinking her husband was cheating. My first response is, “Why do you think that?”

She told me about his phone going off at 1am a few nights in a row. She was like “wtf?!” Who is texting him this late for the past few nights. Her curiosity takes over, so she decides to go through their wireless online account and found a number that he was texting frequently day and night, almost all day.

At this point, she is pissed. She’s like who in the fuck is this? She goes on Facebook and searches by the cellphone number and finds out it is the previous girl that he was talking to….his coworker. Now I’m awake and completely hype. I’m like “oh no he didn’t!” And she’s all like “Oh girl, yes he did!”

While he’s asleep, she goes through his phone and doesn’t find the number. Then I get a text saying that he has deleted the number from his recent texts! Well, that’s not sketchy at all.

At this point, I am awake and alert, thinking my friend is going to straight murder her husband. (Side note: they have a newborn baby. And the plot thickens!)

He denies that anything inappropriate was going on. I’m not sure how I feel about it. If nothing inappropriate was going on, then why delete the texts?

So what was his intentions? She may have been neglecting him because of the baby and he feels like he needs attention. I’m just not sure. It’s all very strange.

I think when you are married or in a relationship, if you have to hide things then it’s definitely not right. I feel like people shouldn’t even put themselves in that situation. It’s just disastrous and can ruin a great thing. People shouldn’t even put themselves in this type of situation.

What’s your input? What is your definition of cheating?

Side note: Women are smarter than they put on. We are also good at getting information. Just saying.

The Comeback Kid

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So…I’m not sure what made me decide to write about insults but I have been on fire with my comebacks lately and I’d thought I would dabble with this post. So you’re welcome!

Starting off, as you can read from previous posts, my mom and I have a very strained relationship..very. And I try to cope through jokes when I am around her, and really my family in general. It’s kind of my outlet and my thing. So you better believe that any chance I get, I will totally take a shot at her or really anyone for that matter.  Some say I take it too far, others say I’m hilarious. I prefer the latter.

So, my mom and I were on the phone last night, and she proceeds to sometimes tell me wayyy too much information.

Here is mine and my mom’s conversation.

Mom: Honey you will not believe what happened!

Me: Yes?

Mom: I mean it’s really unreal.

Me: Okay? I’m still waiting…

Mom: It’s too crazy to even say out loud.

Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?!

*As you can see, I am very patient.*

Mom: Fine! Relax. (Pause)I thought I was pregnant…Can you believe that?

Me: *Silence

Mom: Well aren’t you going to say anything??

Me: Well what do you want me to say? I mean, shit Mom, I thought you were going through menopause?

Mom: How old do you think I am?!

Me: I mean, I thought your lady parts were like dust at this point…

Mom: *Silence

Me: *peeing my pants from laughter.

Mom: *hangs up phone.

 

Lol…I’m such an ass. That is all.

 

 

 

Is Dating Extinct?

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My definition of dating is a friendship built on compatibility, laughter, and food. But again this is MY definition. Each person has their own based on their experiences and what they look for in an significant other.

These days, I feel it’s a lot harder to find someone. Now you may think I’m crazy because of technology making it so much easier to connect to people but I honestly think it’s harder to find someone genuine.  You can find someone through social media sites or through an app but it’s on the basis of appearance and sex.

A lot of people I have talked to refuse to be in relationships these days for a number of reasons. Whether they just don’t trust people or they like to keep their options open…it is what it is.  But this has made me question whether, dating is extinct? Has it become just an idea? Or an old way of thinking or developing a relationship?

Personally, I think dating has died. And again I say personally. Dating use to be this private relationship that would only be shared among 2 people. Now it has come to be this social aspect that is shared all throughout the internet. People don’t date in hopes to find the one that they wish to spend the rest of their life with.

Honestly, I miss the whole dating aspect. The first few months everything is so new and you learn so much about each other. You’re constantly laughing and just having fun.  Now, I feel like every guy that I come across doesn’t want a relationship. It’s kind of unnerving to realize.

Anyone else feel the same way?  And has dating really died?

 

How To Destroy a Relationship

relationships

Dedicated to my Little Grasshopper.

So this is not your typical ‘How To Date’ type of post because let’s be honest…have you seen my work? It’s not very typical. This will be a mix of ‘How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days’ and ‘Rocky.’

Whether you want to save your relationship..or you want to get rid of your SO, then this post is for you. And you’re welcome?


  1. Negative Criticism: If you’re anything like me, you do not like to be criticized, whether it’s positive or negative. But the worst part is the negative criticism. You can really create distance between you and your SO by freely handing out negative criticism. So instead of “You never clean up after yourself!” or “Why are you so stupid?!” Try, “hey honey, could you please do the dishes tonight?” On the flip side of this…if you’re trying to create distance, well criticize away!
  2. Flirting with others: Well this is a no brainer…moving on.
  3. No effort: Relationships in general take a lot of work. You are kidding yourself if you think it’s not going to be hard. You are literally sharing your life with someone else. You are sharing your food, house, friends, car, clothes….everything! So it’s hard being nice, I get it but the downfall is people not making an effort to be in the relationship. Shower with compliments, have regular sex, and for gosh sake, be nice!
  4. Suffocation: So this is my biggest pet peeve. Like I will literally punch someone in the throat if they are breathing down my neck 24/7.  I’m not that girl and I just can’t do it. Small rant…. Don’t you hate when you see those couples that are kissing and holding hands ALL.THE.TIME. Well, I hate those couples. You guys literally make me sick. You don’t have to constantly be touching each other. I have a friend who is like that and if she is reading this, than “I hate you.” She and her SO were at a birthday party and she had her leg over his leg and they were holding hands while eating and they kept kissing….gross. I’m giving them the upturned lip, like have some respect dude, we are a 3 year old’s birthday party…okay I’m done. Well I consider this suffocation. Just give each other space…
  5. Passive Aggressive: I tend to be very sarcastic and have passive aggressive tendencies. Just avoid it all together. It’s a sinking ship. With my ex, he wouldn’t clean up after himself and he would stare at me and ask if I needed help cleaning up…and I would say, “No, I love cleaning up after you.” Well as you can tell, I called him an ex so we are not together. So no to the passive aggressiveness.

I’m probably not the right person to be giving love advice because I’m everything that I’m telling you not to do/be…… but in a weird way, maybe I’m the perfect person to be giving advice?

I hope this helps a bit!

As Always,

LOVE YA’LL!


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Millennials

millenials

I am a millennial and I can’t stand millennials. Don’t get me wrong, not all millennials are the same but a majority that I come across are little entitled brats.

I just saw a mom and her son (probably in his mid 20’s) eating at Einstein Bagels and he is telling her about the recent Kim Kardashian scandal. She is listening intently and commenting when appropriate. She seems very patient.

Side note: I love to people watch so I’m staring them down like a piece of cheesecake.

Anyway, after he finishes his rant about the latest celebrity gossip, she asks when they get home, if he could do his laundry and clean the bathroom. He flat out says “no, that’s your job.” She doesn’t say anything but an intense stare down occurs. They don’t say anything for a few minutes and he says, “by the way, we need groceries at the house.” She goes, “I’ve already been to the store so if you need something else, you can go.”  He just looks at her and says, “I’m not spending my money on groceries.”

At this point, I’m staring at him with my mouth open. If I would have talked to my mom like that,  I wouldn’t have been able to sit for a week.

This little turd is still talking back to her and I’ve just had enough…I lean over and say to the mom “Please accept my apology for what I’m about to say to your son.” To the son “listen here you little shit, how about you quit being disrespectful to your mom and get off your lazy ass and contribute. You are about 25, right? Yea, well she has every right to legally kick your butt out of her house but for whatever reason, she hasn’t, so show some freaking respect.” He just looks at me dumbfounded. He gets up to leave, and the mom grabs my arm and says “Thank you. Seriously.”


I’m not usually a confrontational person but this dummy was just straight rude and I couldn’t take it. It was disgusting.

I’ve been around other situations similar to these…and it makes my stomach turn. My mom would have slapped me in the mouth or better yet, kicked my ass in front of all the people in the coffee shop.

Although, I am millennial, I was taught to be more considerate and not to think the world owed me anything. I’m trying to create a path for myself, which yes, has caused me to struggle but it’s my struggle and no one else’s.

Sorry, Rant OVER!

The Signs

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In your previous relationships, were there signs that you ignored because you thought your significant other was perfect and they couldn’t possibly have any flaws?  I think we all go through this in the initial phases of a relationship but we choose to ignore them. Mine came to me in a flash and I chose to ignore it. Pfftttt!

My realization came tonight when I was making my macaroni and cheese. I flashed back to when I made mac and cheese with my ex. He told me to only use half the packet of cheese.

I should have known not to trust someone that only uses half the packet of cheese for macaroni and cheese.

He said it made it “too cheesy.’ Like what?!

It wasn’t a big warning sign but who the hell does that shit?!? A monster, that’s who!

Feel free to share your stories, whether sad or funny! I look forward to hearing them!