I Don’t Cook

There are probably a total of 3 things that I cook and 1 of those includes easy mac. And being snowed in yesterday (12inchs) I went in a downward spiral food absorption/binging. I’m not very proud of this but I did get a pretty awesome recipe out of it.

As I was looking in my cabinets and fridge for a decent meal, I thought everything was going to be lost. So I searched the internet for 3 ingredient recipes and I cam across one of my favorite and probably easiest recipes by far. Breaded chicken breasts.


 

Now, I know you are thinking. It’s just breaded chicken. Ha! No it’s easy as shit breaded chicken.

Ingredients

2 Eggs

2 Large Chicken Breasts

Ritz Crackers

Butter

Salt

Pepper

^Look at that! That is literally it!

Instructions:

  1. Preheat oven to 375.
  2. Whisk 2 eggs in a bowl.
  3. Mix crushed crackers, salt and pepper in a separate bowl (*I also added a little garlic).
  4. Dip your chicken breast into the eggs, then into the cracker combination.
  5. Place in pan.
  6. Sprinkle the leftover crushed crackers on top of chicken.
  7. Put 4 teaspoons (or how much you would like) of butter around the chicken in the pan.
  8. Pop that bitch into the oven for 40 minutes or until the juices run clear.

Then walah! You have breaded chicken! So freaking delicious! You can thank you me later!

Love,

T


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Writer’s Block

So I have been working on a novel and have been kind of stuck. I would like to share an excerpt in an effort to get some feedback.  My hope is to get constructive criticism and hopefully get out of this rut.

Also, it is currently snowing in Chicago and it’s beautiful!

Please let me know your thoughts!

_____

“You’re perfect, Vanessa,” he said while his finger gently brushed a piece of hair off of her face. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until he moved his hand. She sighed heavily and said “Oh come on, stop. Now, you’re just being silly.” She looks down because she can’t seem to keep eye contact with him for too long.

He looks at her, “you sure can’t take a compliment, can you?” She looks up and then that gorgeous smile spreads across his face and it stirs a very deep sensation within her. She feels her shoulders arch back and her knees push tighter together. She envisions his lips on her neck slowly kissing lower and lower, moving towards her collarbone. “Hey Vanessa, are you still with me??” He startles her and she snaps out of her dream and they continue to discuss work…

9 Months Earlier

“Beatrice, there will be some new changes, again, in the scheduling. I’m sorry to do this but can you stay later today so we can catch up on this work?” she asks her assistant while she is holding a stack of papers. More and more projects were being added lately and it seemed that nothing was going right for Vanessa. She recently accepted a new position as a Director at a firm and she really thought things would get better. She was making more money, recently engaged, but she still wasn’t happy. Her boss really micro-managed her and she could never get anything completed because he always seemed to be standing in the way. He was also very short-tempered and was constantly putting down her and her staff’s work ethic. She has also started a really unhealthy habit of taking down one bottle of wine a night and then passing out due to her building anxiety and alcohol induced sleep.

_____

Anyway…there is a little slice.  It’s actually the beginning of the novel, so just let me know what you think!

Thanks!

T

This is Why You Should Read Labels…

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Seriously, who reads labels these days?

“Oh cool, lipstick…looks cute!”

“Moisturizer, sweet! Glide that shit on.”

You always think it’s self explanatory, until it’s not.

pinterest

The past few weeks, I have been trying to decide on a new foundation. So I have been back and forth from Sephora and Ulta checking everything out. Pretty much everything was way too oily for my skin. I’m thinking to myself, wft?! I then try matte oil control…still greasy. I have the skin of a jellyfish. Gross.

Anyway…the other night, I take my shower, wash my face and then apply my moisturizer (which is fairly new, was using it for 2 weeks). Well, my face starts to burn. I’m like seriously, this is hypoallergenic?!? Mind you, that I have been getting red and it has been burning for about 2 weeks but not as bad as the last time.

So I’m burning and I look at my face an hour later and I’m red. I have a legit burn on my face. I grab the bottle and start reading.

ulta

Well….it says “Moisturizer…..Mask.”  I’m thinking why would it say mask, it clearly says moisturizer. Then I flip to the directions and it says ‘Apply mask and leave on for 3 minutes, 1o minutes, maximum, if you are feeling really dry. Wash with warm water and pat dry with towel.’ Well fuck.

No wonder my skin has been so oily. I have been keeping a constant moisture mask on my face.

Don’t be dumb like me and end up with burn marks all over. Read labels people. I’m just happy it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

Always,

T

 

I Am The Worst

Sorry my friends, I know I have been MIA for the past week! I promise I’ll write soon! I love all of you guys and I hope that you have had a great Thanksgiving weekend and all that sweet shit!

Love ya!

T

 

Also, here is a picture of a baby elephant playing with birds. You’re welcome. 🙂

baby-elephant

The Comeback Kid

3-funny-mom-quotes

So…I’m not sure what made me decide to write about insults but I have been on fire with my comebacks lately and I’d thought I would dabble with this post. So you’re welcome!

Starting off, as you can read from previous posts, my mom and I have a very strained relationship..very. And I try to cope through jokes when I am around her, and really my family in general. It’s kind of my outlet and my thing. So you better believe that any chance I get, I will totally take a shot at her or really anyone for that matter.  Some say I take it too far, others say I’m hilarious. I prefer the latter.

So, my mom and I were on the phone last night, and she proceeds to sometimes tell me wayyy too much information.

Here is mine and my mom’s conversation.

Mom: Honey you will not believe what happened!

Me: Yes?

Mom: I mean it’s really unreal.

Me: Okay? I’m still waiting…

Mom: It’s too crazy to even say out loud.

Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?!

*As you can see, I am very patient.*

Mom: Fine! Relax. (Pause)I thought I was pregnant…Can you believe that?

Me: *Silence

Mom: Well aren’t you going to say anything??

Me: Well what do you want me to say? I mean, shit Mom, I thought you were going through menopause?

Mom: How old do you think I am?!

Me: I mean, I thought your lady parts were like dust at this point…

Mom: *Silence

Me: *peeing my pants from laughter.

Mom: *hangs up phone.

 

Lol…I’m such an ass. That is all.