Shaking Things Up

 

hungry

 

I would consider myself a serial dater. What is that you ask? Well, it’s someone who is constantly dating because (1) they don’t want to be lonely, (2) they have found someone new and/or better, (3) they literally can’t function without having someone around, or (4) you just kind of click with someone once a relationship is over and it kind of happens where now you are in a new relationship!

For me, I would say it’s number 4. Over the years, I literally haven’t come up for air…. Sorry that’s graphic…not in the way you’re thinking.  What I mean is that I haven’t really let myself be single in between dating. I just kind of moved on to the next convenient person (that sounds rude). To clarify I never used the guys, I literally just clicked with someone right away and thought…’what the heck, why not?’


But the past year and a half, I have been single…hold for applause.

This is the first time in a long time that I have been single and it has been freaking awesome. I don’t have to report to anyone. I can sleep on whatever side of the bed I want. I can also eat whatever I feel like. I’m free!

Don’t get me wrong, I miss sleeping next to someone (sometimes, preferably during winter).  Oh and I miss someone being there when times are tough. Yea, I have friends but it’s different when you are in a relationship with someone. It’s a different level of emotional support.

For right now, I’m just going to be single…and see how this plays out. I’m not trying to find someone nor am I rushing to get married. If the stuff happens, then it happens.

My point is, being a serial dater, like me, it doesn’t leave you any room to grow as a person. How are you supposed to ever find someone when you don’t even know who you are or what you want?  Being independent and single is a choice that I think everyone should make at some point in their life. It really helps you find out more about yourself and what you see in a future husband and/or wife!

Also, for people who have made it this far in the post, I will be doing a giveaway in the next couple of days on my Facebook page! SHhhhhh! So check out my Facebook Page here for more details….soon!

 

As Always,

T


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Boundaries

boundary

Sorry, it’s been a while! 🙂

Let’s get to it!

Everyone has boundaries. Whether they are social, personal or relationship boundaries…you have them.

As for me, I have a lot boundaries. It could be my crippling anxiety or my comedic distrust in people, but it’s quite evident when you have crossed my boundaries.

Over Christmas break, I was unable to go home for the holidays! 😦

But I got invited to a girlfriend’s house, whom I spent Thanksgiving with. It’s always drinking and laughs, so I did not mind.

So my friend has a very fun and very sweet, younger  sister, whom I have totally clicked with. We text all the time and she’s just awesome.

Well, her fiance was there for Christmas. There is only one word to describe him and that’s ‘blah.’  He just not someone I would expect her to date. To each his own.


Anyway….they have been together for 2 years and will be married in 3 months. I don’t know if they are still going through a phase or what but he can’t keep his hands off her. It’s pretty uncomfortable. I get it when people are in love and they just like touching each other and what not. I get it.

I’m no prude but when you are at a family gathering, as this one was, you’d think people would be a little more conservative.  I’m not saying they should sit 10 feet away from each other but damn! They were constantly kissing and sitting in each others lap and she had a tiny skirt on. I mean, her 95 year old grandmother was there. I was literally so uncomfortable with it. It’s like they have taken each others independence.


In a relationship, I need my own space. Her mother, who is a lovely woman, keeps her mouth shut about pretty much everything said to them, “do you guys just ever stop touching each other?” Even if this woman knows whats up.

Anyway…he literally has to touch her at all times. Have you ever met an annoying couple like that?

Am I making this into something bigger than it is?


Writer’s Block

So I have been working on a novel and have been kind of stuck. I would like to share an excerpt in an effort to get some feedback.  My hope is to get constructive criticism and hopefully get out of this rut.

Also, it is currently snowing in Chicago and it’s beautiful!

Please let me know your thoughts!

_____

“You’re perfect, Vanessa,” he said while his finger gently brushed a piece of hair off of her face. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until he moved his hand. She sighed heavily and said “Oh come on, stop. Now, you’re just being silly.” She looks down because she can’t seem to keep eye contact with him for too long.

He looks at her, “you sure can’t take a compliment, can you?” She looks up and then that gorgeous smile spreads across his face and it stirs a very deep sensation within her. She feels her shoulders arch back and her knees push tighter together. She envisions his lips on her neck slowly kissing lower and lower, moving towards her collarbone. “Hey Vanessa, are you still with me??” He startles her and she snaps out of her dream and they continue to discuss work…

9 Months Earlier

“Beatrice, there will be some new changes, again, in the scheduling. I’m sorry to do this but can you stay later today so we can catch up on this work?” she asks her assistant while she is holding a stack of papers. More and more projects were being added lately and it seemed that nothing was going right for Vanessa. She recently accepted a new position as a Director at a firm and she really thought things would get better. She was making more money, recently engaged, but she still wasn’t happy. Her boss really micro-managed her and she could never get anything completed because he always seemed to be standing in the way. He was also very short-tempered and was constantly putting down her and her staff’s work ethic. She has also started a really unhealthy habit of taking down one bottle of wine a night and then passing out due to her building anxiety and alcohol induced sleep.

_____

Anyway…there is a little slice.  It’s actually the beginning of the novel, so just let me know what you think!

Thanks!

T

Oh Boy…

I don’t pretend to know everything about relationships, but I do have a lot of experience. Really, from my own relationships, dealing with my friends, etc. Apparently I give good advice. That sounds braggy. Anyway.

Recently, I got a text from my married girl friend. She thought her husband was cheating on her. This text also came at 2am so I was completely out of it. She began telling me why she thinks her husband was cheating.

The back story is that he previously was texting another woman (also his co-worker) and then hiding it from her. Some how or another, she found out he was texting her and she called him out…everything was squashed and things were good between them again. Back to reality.

Okay…so I get this text from her the other night, thinking her husband was cheating. My first response is, “Why do you think that?”

She told me about his phone going off at 1am a few nights in a row. She was like “wtf?!” Who is texting him this late for the past few nights. Her curiosity takes over, so she decides to go through their wireless online account and found a number that he was texting frequently day and night, almost all day.

At this point, she is pissed. She’s like who in the fuck is this? She goes on Facebook and searches by the cellphone number and finds out it is the previous girl that he was talking to….his coworker. Now I’m awake and completely hype. I’m like “oh no he didn’t!” And she’s all like “Oh girl, yes he did!”

While he’s asleep, she goes through his phone and doesn’t find the number. Then I get a text saying that he has deleted the number from his recent texts! Well, that’s not sketchy at all.

At this point, I am awake and alert, thinking my friend is going to straight murder her husband. (Side note: they have a newborn baby. And the plot thickens!)

He denies that anything inappropriate was going on. I’m not sure how I feel about it. If nothing inappropriate was going on, then why delete the texts?

So what was his intentions? She may have been neglecting him because of the baby and he feels like he needs attention. I’m just not sure. It’s all very strange.

I think when you are married or in a relationship, if you have to hide things then it’s definitely not right. I feel like people shouldn’t even put themselves in that situation. It’s just disastrous and can ruin a great thing. People shouldn’t even put themselves in this type of situation.

What’s your input? What is your definition of cheating?

Side note: Women are smarter than they put on. We are also good at getting information. Just saying.

How Much is too Much?

I don’t know why I’ve been talking about relationships so much lately but I feel like I needed to share this.

Have you ever been in a relationship where the guy or girl was very protective? My next question is, How much is too much?

In my previous relationship, there was a few instances where I questioned his “protective” instincts.  At first I thought it was an endearing quality that he wanted to protect me or wanted to know where I was, all the time. I thought, “awe that’s cute.”  As time passed, I started getting annoyed with the fact that every time he called or I got home, he would ask me where I was and who I was with.  My response would be “I just got off work. Where do you think?!”  It got to a point where is was constant. He was constantly nagging.

At one point he followed me to work and I saw him sitting outside during the day. I called him to see what he was doing and played like I didn’t know where he was. He said that he was at the store. Two minutes later, I saw him leave. Shortly after that, we broke up, on my terms. I still see him ride by my house here and there, which is another story in itself.

In hindsight, I should have noticed the signs. I really think his actions were a start to what could have been a very destructive relationship and possibly abusive. I’m very lucky that I ended it before it got to that point.

I want to believe that I was strong enough to leave but I know there are others that are not so strong. And it sometimes gets to a point where it’s too late. If someone that is reading this has experienced something similar or worse, you are not alone!