Oh Boy…

I don’t pretend to know everything about relationships, but I do have a lot of experience. Really, from my own relationships, dealing with my friends, etc. Apparently I give good advice. That sounds braggy. Anyway.

Recently, I got a text from my married girl friend. She thought her husband was cheating on her. This text also came at 2am so I was completely out of it. She began telling me why she thinks her husband was cheating.

The back story is that he previously was texting another woman (also his co-worker) and then hiding it from her. Some how or another, she found out he was texting her and she called him out…everything was squashed and things were good between them again. Back to reality.

Okay…so I get this text from her the other night, thinking her husband was cheating. My first response is, “Why do you think that?”

She told me about his phone going off at 1am a few nights in a row. She was like “wtf?!” Who is texting him this late for the past few nights. Her curiosity takes over, so she decides to go through their wireless online account and found a number that he was texting frequently day and night, almost all day.

At this point, she is pissed. She’s like who in the fuck is this? She goes on Facebook and searches by the cellphone number and finds out it is the previous girl that he was talking to….his coworker. Now I’m awake and completely hype. I’m like “oh no he didn’t!” And she’s all like “Oh girl, yes he did!”

While he’s asleep, she goes through his phone and doesn’t find the number. Then I get a text saying that he has deleted the number from his recent texts! Well, that’s not sketchy at all.

At this point, I am awake and alert, thinking my friend is going to straight murder her husband. (Side note: they have a newborn baby. And the plot thickens!)

He denies that anything inappropriate was going on. I’m not sure how I feel about it. If nothing inappropriate was going on, then why delete the texts?

So what was his intentions? She may have been neglecting him because of the baby and he feels like he needs attention. I’m just not sure. It’s all very strange.

I think when you are married or in a relationship, if you have to hide things then it’s definitely not right. I feel like people shouldn’t even put themselves in that situation. It’s just disastrous and can ruin a great thing. People shouldn’t even put themselves in this type of situation.

What’s your input? What is your definition of cheating?

Side note: Women are smarter than they put on. We are also good at getting information. Just saying.

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16 thoughts on “Oh Boy…”

  1. Sounds like he’s emotionally cheating and hopefully not physically, although I have heard emotional is worse. Anyway, we really need to stop making excuses for men. It doesn’t matter that he’s not getting the same level of attention because they have a newborn he should understand and respect that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My thoughts exactly! He cries about being sorry but then does it again….like what?!? She even said it wouldn’t have mattered if they physically did something because she would feel the same… :/

      Liked by 1 person

  2. If there’s guilt enough to cover your tracks you’re doing something wrong. I cheated on someone once (definitely not proud of it or bragging, lol) and it all started with friendly texts with a coworker. Then one day at a work function we had too much to drink and I was on SSRI’s so that was that!

    Another point to make is that if someone does something once and there isn’t a significant amount of personal development and introspection afterward they’re probably going to do it again. She said it happened before and they talked it out and “squashed it”. Obviously not. Usually when you just talk something out and then take no extra action on it the perpetrator just feels like they got away with it and when the option comes up again they don’t have the mechanisms in place to avoid giving in. This is true in every habitual behavior, I think.

    For my part (not that it matters in context, I just rant) I came clean the next day and over the years have done a 180 on how I think about women and relationships. That particular relationship in which I cheated was doomed to fail and by the time I did it I was so over it I should have just broken it off instead of cheating (hmmm perhaps there is something there for your friend) but I was kind of a coward. Haha.

    Anyway, good morning! Have a pleasant day.

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    1. I love the input! And it totally matters. I like hearing from others because it helps me get a better grasp on it, also helps me give better advice. I’ve only cheated one time and that was yearsss ago. It was one of those things that was doomed to fail also. I hated myself for it and probably was a little bit of a coward as well! It is what it is! But I do agree, he’s definitely covering his tracks! I was on the phone with her today and he heard us talking and she left the room….and he followed her while on the phone. He is now worried he is being talked about…he can get over that shit! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m actually writing about a very similar situation on my blog; I was texting a male coworker and my boyfriend found out. But I wasn’t ashamed; I didn’t delete anything because there was nothing (in my opinion) wrong going on and when my boyfriend was going through my phone in front of me, all he could say was “how could you?” But my relationship had been on the rocks leading up to that point (which is in no way an excuse), so to my boyfriend, that was the tipping point. I feel like it’s a grey area that needs to be addressed between couples. They need to determine head on whether texting someone of the opposite sex is cheating. To some it is, to other’s it isn’t. I don’t think it is… Hope your friend finds peace in her relationship.

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    1. I agree!! I think it’s one of those things that needs to be discussed beforehand, so everyone knows what the expectations are! I don’t think it’s a bad thing unless you are taking the extra steps to cover it up, then that’s when you need to ask yourself…what am I doing and would I be mad if my significant other did this? Thank you for the comment! I love hearing your opinions because of your similar experiences! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. There are 2 things to think about here:
    1. Whatever was happening before clearly wasn’t resolved. I agree with a previous comment that unless there is significant personal development, just talking about something doesn’t bring about change. She might have felt like addressing the earlier incident meant that things were fixed but he’s still doing it… same behavior with the same woman.
    2. There is clearly a problem in their relationship that makes him want to text to this other woman. I am not excusing his behavior but looking outside your relationship for any kind of intimacy means your needs are not being fulfilled. It’s a dishonest way of asking for what you want but at the end of the day, it can be the sign they need that they both need to work harder at their relationship and ultimately, if they’re both committed to each other, they can work it out. But she needs to talk to her husband, ASAP.

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    1. All the above! It’s crazy! I feel like they don’t communicate at all, especially with the new baby. I did tell her she needed to actually talk with him! Thank you for insightful comment and advice!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I definitely don’t know the entire situation perfectly but there is something going on with both of them. I had a similar situation where I texted a male friend of mine but it wasn’t all the time. It was mostly late at night but that’s because we both suffered with insomnia so we just happened to be awake at that time. My boyfriend at the time was a very jealous guy though, and even though my conversations with my friend were innocent, I knew he wouldn’t like it. However, I didn’t think that was necessarily fair to me. No one should feel like they can’t be friends with certain people because their significant other is jealous. Turns out, that boyfriend tried hooking up with my one of my friends when she came to visit, so being overly jealous made a lot of sense. He was trying to pull something behind my back, so if he can do it, then I was capable of doing it. It’s very classic behavior. Does your friend know exactly what the conversations were? Because if they actually were just innocent, but then the issue still wasn’t “resolved”, he could be reaching out to this co-worker because he of the tension, and may not know who else to talk to. No matter what, you’re not going to get the entire story, so it’s best to look at it from all sides as much as possible.

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    1. Oh wow! I would have never made that connection! That’s crazy. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know the content of the texts. He deleted them before she could read them, which is not always a sign of guilt. I had an ex delete messages because he wanted to “protect me.” Regardless, I agree with you and they certainly need to communicate more! Thank you for your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

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