I Am The Worst

Sorry my friends, I know I have been MIA for the past week! I promise I’ll write soon! I love all of you guys and I hope that you have had a great Thanksgiving weekend and all that sweet shit!

Love ya!

T

 

Also, here is a picture of a baby elephant playing with birds. You’re welcome. 🙂

baby-elephant

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Oh Boy…

I don’t pretend to know everything about relationships, but I do have a lot of experience. Really, from my own relationships, dealing with my friends, etc. Apparently I give good advice. That sounds braggy. Anyway.

Recently, I got a text from my married girl friend. She thought her husband was cheating on her. This text also came at 2am so I was completely out of it. She began telling me why she thinks her husband was cheating.

The back story is that he previously was texting another woman (also his co-worker) and then hiding it from her. Some how or another, she found out he was texting her and she called him out…everything was squashed and things were good between them again. Back to reality.

Okay…so I get this text from her the other night, thinking her husband was cheating. My first response is, “Why do you think that?”

She told me about his phone going off at 1am a few nights in a row. She was like “wtf?!” Who is texting him this late for the past few nights. Her curiosity takes over, so she decides to go through their wireless online account and found a number that he was texting frequently day and night, almost all day.

At this point, she is pissed. She’s like who in the fuck is this? She goes on Facebook and searches by the cellphone number and finds out it is the previous girl that he was talking to….his coworker. Now I’m awake and completely hype. I’m like “oh no he didn’t!” And she’s all like “Oh girl, yes he did!”

While he’s asleep, she goes through his phone and doesn’t find the number. Then I get a text saying that he has deleted the number from his recent texts! Well, that’s not sketchy at all.

At this point, I am awake and alert, thinking my friend is going to straight murder her husband. (Side note: they have a newborn baby. And the plot thickens!)

He denies that anything inappropriate was going on. I’m not sure how I feel about it. If nothing inappropriate was going on, then why delete the texts?

So what was his intentions? She may have been neglecting him because of the baby and he feels like he needs attention. I’m just not sure. It’s all very strange.

I think when you are married or in a relationship, if you have to hide things then it’s definitely not right. I feel like people shouldn’t even put themselves in that situation. It’s just disastrous and can ruin a great thing. People shouldn’t even put themselves in this type of situation.

What’s your input? What is your definition of cheating?

Side note: Women are smarter than they put on. We are also good at getting information. Just saying.

The Comeback Kid

3-funny-mom-quotes

So…I’m not sure what made me decide to write about insults but I have been on fire with my comebacks lately and I’d thought I would dabble with this post. So you’re welcome!

Starting off, as you can read from previous posts, my mom and I have a very strained relationship..very. And I try to cope through jokes when I am around her, and really my family in general. It’s kind of my outlet and my thing. So you better believe that any chance I get, I will totally take a shot at her or really anyone for that matter.  Some say I take it too far, others say I’m hilarious. I prefer the latter.

So, my mom and I were on the phone last night, and she proceeds to sometimes tell me wayyy too much information.

Here is mine and my mom’s conversation.

Mom: Honey you will not believe what happened!

Me: Yes?

Mom: I mean it’s really unreal.

Me: Okay? I’m still waiting…

Mom: It’s too crazy to even say out loud.

Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?!

*As you can see, I am very patient.*

Mom: Fine! Relax. (Pause)I thought I was pregnant…Can you believe that?

Me: *Silence

Mom: Well aren’t you going to say anything??

Me: Well what do you want me to say? I mean, shit Mom, I thought you were going through menopause?

Mom: How old do you think I am?!

Me: I mean, I thought your lady parts were like dust at this point…

Mom: *Silence

Me: *peeing my pants from laughter.

Mom: *hangs up phone.

 

Lol…I’m such an ass. That is all.